I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
