its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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