The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
