dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
