The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
