I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize