Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
