I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
