her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
