went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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