When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
