who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
