it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
