last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
