I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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