I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
