We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
