she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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