i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize