your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
