paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
