I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
