I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
