Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
