if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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