I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
