i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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