i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
