I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
