I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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