Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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