how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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