Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
