Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
