I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The best revenge is premature balding
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
