the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
True strength comes from lack of pants
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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