i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
