Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
