i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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