I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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