that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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