i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize