i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
