will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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