I want to have your abortion
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
