My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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