didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
