Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
