I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
