Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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