there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
