I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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