at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
