K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
