first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
