Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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