We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
