Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
