Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
