I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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