Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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