I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
