I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pants are for mortals
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