The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
