Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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