take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
