i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
