New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
