She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
