Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
