you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
