So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
