I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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