who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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