We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
