he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
