I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
