The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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