woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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