are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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