I must be too annoying 4 u.
You can't motorboat a personality
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
