U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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