Your face is a jimmy john
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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