He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
