Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
