Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
