apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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