speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
