We're facebook friends in real life
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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