You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize