no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Say something about gay babies.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
