Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
