Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
