Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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