shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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