I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize