you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
